Children never tire of hearing their parents tell them they love them. If your child is shouting and angry, you might not “like” them all that much at the time but you still love them. Love is more than just a feeling; it is also a way of being. Wanting and doing what is best for your child is an example of love.
If you start a sentence with these words you can go on to tell your child off or ask them to do a chore while leaving feeling safe and secure.
Children need you to be positive when they do good things or do well in tests or sports. You are the most important person in your child’s life and they are more motivated by your positive regard than anything else. Give them the knowledge that you approve and think they are great. They will strive all the harder to do it again!
Give your child the reasons why you set boundaries and they are more likely to follow them. If you don’t give a reason they will very often invent one. e.g. Sending your child to bed at a certain time without explanation of why, can lead to them feeling they have been naughty. If however you explain it is for their own good so they can be happy and full of energy tomorrow, they are much more likely to understand that you are being kind.
Putting a “gap” between them and their actions avoids labeling them as bad. If you say “you make me unhappy” the child will come to see themselves as the cause of the bad feeling. If instead you say “When you shout it makes me unhappy” your child will see that just by stopping shouting that you will be happy again and that is not something in them that is causing you to be sad. It puts distance between them as people and their behavior.
Children need physical comfort and loving touch. A hug says so much more than words. Let them feel how much you love them, as often as they hear you say it!